With short-term, food-brand-based “hotels” popping up as marketing ploys, let’s imagine a hotel for all our favorite foods.
It’s now official: The hot, new marketing ploy is to roll out short-lived, themed hotels to really live the most immersive possible experience for people who self-identify as super fans of food brands such as Taco Bell and Nutella.
But why stop with Dorito Locos Tacos and chocolate-hazelnut spreads? Any food can be the hotel of your dreams! So let’s come up with some more food-themed hotel experiences.
Chiphotle: It’s wonderfully convenient because you get to customize your room with your favorite amenities right at the counter. Guac is still extra, though.
The Oreotel: Chocolate wafers and sweet crème abound. The hotel’s operators get bonus points for referring to two queen bed rooms as the “Double Stuffed” suites. Everyone knows but doesn’t really acknowledge it’s a carbon copy of the older, and considerably less satisfying, Hydroxotel down the street.
The Spam-otel: To live up to its name, this property definitely has to be exterior corridor. One look at it, and your first thought will be “why does this need to exist?” Also everything is weirdly oily. This property will have to be based in the Midwest and inexplicably popular with Hawaiian and Japanese travelers. Word of warning, once you sign up for their loyalty program and give them your contact information, they will never leave you alone.
The Chick-fil-Tel: Planning on a long stay? I hope you’ve already found somewhere to crash on Sunday night.
Tim Resortons: More people seem to go to the DunkInn Donuts, but they apparently have never experienced the bliss that is the Iced Capp.
The White Castle Resort and Spa: I want to make jokes about this one, but the possibility of this becoming an actual thing feels terrifyingly real to me.
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